Cambiante

For far too long, Efficient was in charge. So much that I can't tell him apart from my Self. Always flanked by the burning-eyed Yojimbo who wears a terrible mask, and shadowed by Pxsxnhxtx. Dictating every move, governing every doubt, determining every outcome. The three of them represented a significant portion of my Soul without giving much credit to the rest...

Now the mirror's broken. Or rather, it's been like that for a good while. And while I do not fully grasp all of its implications, I know that a shift in the balance has subtly taken place. I feel it on every controlled breath, and every uncontrolled sigh. On every heartbeat that resonates through my body. I cannot draw upon that strength anymore. It's empty, just a ghost of its former, formidable endurance. I must instead embrace the constant waves of Everchange. The part that took over the hidden, the buried, the subtle, the endless ocean of emotion that lies beneath the layers of ice...

Everchange is weak, fickle, moody, flaky, irrational and also caring, empathetic, ever-hurting and ever-loving. It's the infinite store of red and pink energies I've got. It's the side that kept pushing, no matter what, when Efficient ran out of answers. It's the piece that surfaced when the burning anger and passion of the Samurai and the Rebel ran out of steam, and the one that lent Pxsxnhxtx the capacity to feel anything at all. I don't know what part the Prophet and the Dreamer will play in all this, if any. They feel kind of far away, though still there. Perhaps biding their time, watching and learning how the pieces will reorganise.

I do know that the pieces that were before, are not the ones that are now. And that they don't fit as they did before either. I understand now that my illusion of control needs to fade away, leaving its place to the certainty of the constant flow. Always hidden but always right there, never easy to surrender to, but also the only path into becoming whole again.